I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
