why didn't you poke me back
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
