I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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