Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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