I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
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Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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