I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
