Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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