Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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