I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize