Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
bring money and cleavage
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
