sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
