The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
