forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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