TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
