ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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