Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
