I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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