I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
