Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
