nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
