it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
