I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
