so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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