just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
