I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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