he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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