Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
foreskin is a definite game changer
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
