I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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