No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
