Non-Jews are for practice
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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