Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
