I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
