What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
