About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
