Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
