Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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