im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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