well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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