You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
