and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
