Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
