if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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