Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
