pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
