Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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