O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
