i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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