make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
