Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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