God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
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Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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