I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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