just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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