Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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