Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
