we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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