Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
