You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
