my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
