I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
