so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
