I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
