your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
