just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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