textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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