I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
